sleeping to dream...

the city, i have come to love.....

when the darkness unfolds, sleep seems to be impossible. im becoming a nocturnal person, my body clock has been successfully altered. my head wont stop mulling over senseless things. so here i am, writing another entry. i will soon be leaving cebu for good. im excited over the fact that ill be spending my holidays at home with my family. and im excited over the fact that il be moving to a new city again and look for another job next year, if there will be no more complications and if God permits. i dont wanna talk about my future plans for now because i really dont know what lies ahead but im crossing my fingers. it saddens me to leave cebu for good. my life here has been really good so far. i had three different lives here in cebu, they were very short encounters but the memories are good enough to last a lifetime.

my first job, my first company, my first paycheck....my life at PS. i was amaze when i first set foot at PS, i was so excited about everything. it was a tough account, i never thought that i can get through it. i cant stop talking and thinking about my work during the first few months. but then, i finally get the hang of it, i finally mastered everything. i learned how to complain, i learned not to be contented, until every waking hour became a painful agony for me while working for that company. then came my team mates (the pornies 'kristy ann, march, cami, vanisa, archer, bj and markie' ... they deserve to be mentioned!), who kept me sane, who made me go to work everyday, who inspired me to live life and have fun despite our strenuous job. so i lasted 1 year and seven months in this company. i had fun at work because of them, i performed well because of them but we cant be in the same team forever, we cant have the same schedule forever, so there's nothing i can do but to move on.

june 2007, i was still working at PS when i decided to enroll myself at UC-Banilad College of Law. i had the most stressful year of my life. working while studying was never easy but then again i met some wonderful people (my classmates "cheryl, brenda and yanee' they also deserve to be mentioned) who just like me were also working, who just like me had the same set of reading assignments, who just like me had to pay their own tuition fees, who just like me had to take the same exams... so they kept me going. there's no reason for me to give up, if they can do it. it was a sweet torture, it was a great struggle, it was definitely time well spent. by the end of the year, i had bags under my eyes for lack of sleep, my salary cant keep up with my growing expenses for my studies, my tardiness has become an issue at work and at school and i deserve a big big break. so i decided to quit my job at PS to spend my christmas holidays at home!

i was jobless when i went back here at cebu at the beginning of the year. and that's when i thought about applying in eperformax. my first two weeks was hell because my schedules wont fit and that was my midterms week. i had to submit a letter of request so i can take the exams in advance. i have a training schedule from noon till night, so i cant go to school to take the exams during my normal class hours which is 6pm-9pm. so i asked our dean to let me take the exams in the morning instead. it was crazy, i have no time for sleep because i had to stay up and study after training because i have to take the exams first thing in the morning the next day. and all my hard work paid off when i ended up the school year with no failing grades. my first year in law school made me realize that being a lawyer is not my dream profession after all. i love the field, i enjoy studying the subject, i love the theories but i dont like the practice and i dont like the profession. so i quit, but then again let me make it clear that i love law school and if given a chance to finish the course, in a heartbeat!

so when i quit school, i had nothing left to do but focus on my work, watch hundreds of dvds, sleep 8-10 hours a day and learn how to cook! oh yes that's how i live my life. anyway, i never enjoyed work during my first few months at eperformax, but they paid me a really good deal of money so i stayed. until i was transferred to BT department, i was beginning to enjoy my job specially the pay. i was beginning to enjoy the company of my team mates (renzo, days of thunder, mr. trulli, cuida and erin brockavich ..... you guys, deserve to be listed too) i had a really good time with them, i had fun at work because of them, i enjoyed the high avail time because of them, i learned how to follow 'EOP' religiously because of them. and just when everything was going so smooth with my job, i have to complicate some things again. for the nth time, i decided to quit. my resignation will be effective by december 14, my stay in eperformax was very short, but i had really really good memories to cherish.

i have another plan, i want to complicate my life, i want a new environment, i want another challenge, i want to push my self to the limit, i want to test how far would i go to achieve my goals and so im moving out of cebu. im going home for the holidays but il be gone again to a new strange city by the start of the year. i thought it would be easy for me to let go, but as the days go by.... my mind keeps on convincing me that im not ready to leave yet, i was just beginning to enjoy my job and my pay. im actually happy with what i earn in my present company and i was just getting to know some people in my team, i was just starting to build a relationship with them.... and it honestly saddens me that i have to go. i was actually surprised because i never felt this sadness when i left PS. maybe because i know that i can still see my PS friends anytime i want since im still here in cebu. but now its totally different, only God knows when will i ever see cebu and the people i have come to love in this city again! i dont wanna be cheesy but i hope i can hold back my tears when i finally leave cebu....

manila pen anniversary

It has been a year since Senator Anotonio Trillanes IV, General Danilo Lim and other Magdalo officers walked out of their trial and marched towards Manila Peninsula Hotel. The mutineers called for the ousting of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. I still believe that Trillanes has a noble intention in mind for calling a rebellion though i pesonally disagree about the method by which he wanted to do. It only showed their lack of solid plans by staging such impulsive act. When you look at Trillanes he seems to be so hopeless and helpless that he decided to do such thing, to walk out and march the streets of Makati. I feel for Trillanes and I admire his courage . But to march down to a private hotel and break in through the glass doors by force so they could set up a command station for a rebellion is not the right thing to do, whichever angle you look at it. But neither do I approve of throwing in tear gas cans inside the building while there are civilians, be it media practitioners who’re supposedly willing to stay inside because that’s where the scoop is.

When you look at what is happening to our country today you cant help but ask if there's still a hope for this country. There's this website proclaiming Lim and Senator Antonio Trillanes IV as the leaders of the coup. The website entry read:

"Senator Antonio Trillanes, Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim, Magdalo soldiers, their guards and the people have started marching towards Makati triangle. [...] We presently find in existence a dangerous concept where the armed forces now owe their primary allegiance and loyalty to those who temporarily exercise the authority of the executive branch of the government rather than to the country and the Constitution they have sworn to protect. That is a concept we defy and struggle to eradicate. If you believe you are a man of will and courage with unselfish motives and brave enough to fight against such tyranny, rise up and be counted!"

Have you ever evaluated yourself if you are one of those who do not do anything to make changes for the good of the country or as someone who hides from reality and would rather live in a make-believe world. Maybe some of us live in this reality. Does it mean that just because you do not share the belief that we need this rebellion to change our situation today you do not live in the real world? Does it mean that just because you do not approve of committing illegal actions for the sake of “the greater good” you do not want changes in this country? Does immersing yourself in making your life better and being the best human being that you can be, rather than spending time blaming and accusing the government as responsible for your problems and the problems this country have, mean that you are apathetic to the sad plight of others? Does having your own opinion in disagreement with that of the majority necessarily mean that your reasoning is flawed? Maybe we need to ponder on these things....

the stupidity of human race...

there are just some times when you dont get it. no matter how it will be explained, you will never understand. no matter how clear and easy the circumstances are, you will never get the point. or sometimes you're just being stubborn and you choose not to understand what's obvious. you're too proud thinking that what you believe is right. you're too proud to admit that you made a mistake because you dont want to be embarrased. you spend long hours trying to argue your point which obviously doesnt make any sense. or its just you being stupid!