i promised myself not to post anything until something good will actually happen to me. but during these past few days i realized that there's no point of keeping this as a draft, there's no point of hiding, there's no point of being scared of the future. according to the principles of 'law of attraction' in order to attract what you want, you need to feel the feeling of having it, you need to talk about it, write about it and think about it all the time. so that's what im doing right now.
Singapore at last!!!! (jan 16, 2009)
taking risk is not easy, facing another challenge can sometimes be disheartening, change can be daunting... so please dont expect anything, the fact remains that no one still knows whether ill succeed or not, but i have faith. and i believe that there are no accidents, i am here for a purpose and i will accept whatever may happen to me because i know its God's plan....
i travel alone all the time since i was in college but traveling alone outside the country is a different story. i know its just a three hour flight but still, i cant help not to worry because i am so alone on my first flight outside the country, so pardon me for my ignorance....
anyway, last night at the immigration in davao international airport was the scariest interview i ever had so far. before i left home, i have been researching for some tips on how to look for a job here in singapore. ive come accross this website that talks about the do's and dont's at the immigration. according to anti-money laundering act you are only allowed to bring a maximum of 10T cash per currency, if you have more than 10T pesos you can convert the rest to another currency so as not to violate the law otherwise you need an authorization from Bangko Sentral. i explained this to my cousin who works in singapore and i was told not to worry about it since immigration doesnt usually asks how much money you got. she said that when she came here, she has a total cash of 30T with her. but having studied all these laws since i was in college, i cant help not to be scared about violating the law. and i cant be more scared when i know that im guilty beyond reasonable doubt that my main purpose of coming here is to look for a job not for vacation.
so after filling out the embarkation papers, i finally face the immigration officer. he was at his fifties, and he has this look that makes me remember my most terror professor in college. and his eyes, i can feel his eyes piercing through my soul. here goes our conversation:
officer: so mag babakasyon ka lng dun? sinong pupuntahan mo dun sa singapore?
me: opo, ung pinsan ko po
officer: taga gensan ka?
me: opo
officer: galing ka pa gensan?
me: opo
officer: umuulan rin ba sa gensan?
me: (i didnt know, since ive been staying here in davao, and i dont want to lie!) ay, hndi ko po alam, di2 na po ako sa dvo nag sti-stay for the last few days
officer: ha? san ka nag sti-stay dito?
me: sa pinsan ko po, sa isang pinsan ko po.
officer: nka vacation leave ka?
me: opo
officer: ilang days ka dun?
me: feb 2 po ung return flt ko
officer: magkano dala mong pera?
me: (i was caught off guard! i dont know whether to lie or not!) 10T po
officer: ung dala mong pera pa singapore?
me: (shit! he might check my wallet! i better tell the truth! so, i acted like i wasnt able to catch the question) ay, ung total cash ko po? *** po (for confidentiality reasons, i wont disclose the exact amount, it was more than 10T pesos)
officer: P***? cgurado ka? halika nga di2 pra cgurado. (he led me to the immigration office!)
me: (i was cold as ice, my hands were shaking, my heart wants to explode) cge po
officer: cge bilangin mo ung pera mo para mkita ko (i counted my money infront of him and my hands wont stop shaking)
san ang add mo di2 sa dvo?
me: sa Sasa po
officer: o cge (he led me the way out, and we walked back to the immigration counter)
saan ka nagtratrabaho?
me: sa cebu po (short akward pause), sa eperformax po, sa call center
officer: nka vacation leave ka lng? matagal ka na dun?
me: opo, mag thri-three years na po
officer: (nodding his head) so ung pinsan mo na ang sasagot sa mga expenses mo dun, sa hotel accomodation mo, sa pagkain.....
me: ay, wla na pong gasto yun kasi nag rerent nman po dun ung cousin ko, so sa kanya na po ako mag sti-stay.
officer: o cge. first time mo? (and he finally place a stamp on my passport)
me: opo (giving him my sweetest smile.... =)
and after my rough interview with the scary immigration officer, they announced that my flight is delayed for 1 hr and 45 min. so i waited in boredom, i tried to read my book but i cant, i have too many things in my head. after 2 hours waiting and 3 sickening hours on the plane, i finally had a glimpse of our neighboring countries in southeast asia, we passed through malaysia (im sure that was malaysia, since its the closest country to singapore) and and we finally landed in changi international airport budget terminal. when we got off the plane, i thought to myself, no wonder it was called budget terminal, cebu mactan int'l airport and davao int'l airport are way lot better than their airport here, or i dont know, maybe it was just the budget terminal.
but despite their crappy budget terminal, i was totally impressed when we got into a cab and started driving through the streets of singapore at 2am. first thing i noticed: there are a lot of trees and they have the cleanest wonderful roads ive seen. some trees are hovering above the roads, so it was so shady and cool. when we finally got home, i took a bath and hit the sack immediately. i wasnt able to have a good night sleep since the place was all new to me, i woke up at around 10 am, ate my brunch, went out to walk my cousin to the bus stop with her hubby, bought something in the store and went home. i spent the rest of the day looking for jobs online. walk-in application is not encouraged here unless it was specifically advertise that the company has a walk-in interview. i slept for an hour and when i woke up, my cousin's husband asked me to cook our dinner since he has to bring the food to my cousin by 6pm (by the way my cousin works from 2pm-11pm). by 5.30pm we were on our way out to go to my cousin's office. it was my first bus ride in singapore, it was my first time to witness the city in broad daylight, it was my first time to see the singapore crowd. and it was so amazing how their system works here. there are bus stops at every point, and that's the only loading and unloading areas here for buses. even their bus stops amazes me, at each bus stop theres a direction so as you will know the bus routes. and everything is just too tidy, you wont have second thoughts to sit on the benches everywhere. and they use this card called ezlink to pay their fare. you can buy the card for $15sg and everytime you ride a bus you can just scan the card. otherwise you can also pay thru cash but you can save more if you use the ezlink since the charge is cheaper when you use the card. their fares ranges from 50cents to $2, depending on the distance. its automatically charge when you scan your card otherwise you have to be responsible to know how much you need to pay if your using cash and you can find the corresponding fare at their bus directions at each bus stop. once you have consumed the $15, you can reload the card (they call it top up here) so you can use it again.
Singapore at last!!!! (jan 16, 2009)
taking risk is not easy, facing another challenge can sometimes be disheartening, change can be daunting... so please dont expect anything, the fact remains that no one still knows whether ill succeed or not, but i have faith. and i believe that there are no accidents, i am here for a purpose and i will accept whatever may happen to me because i know its God's plan....
i travel alone all the time since i was in college but traveling alone outside the country is a different story. i know its just a three hour flight but still, i cant help not to worry because i am so alone on my first flight outside the country, so pardon me for my ignorance....
anyway, last night at the immigration in davao international airport was the scariest interview i ever had so far. before i left home, i have been researching for some tips on how to look for a job here in singapore. ive come accross this website that talks about the do's and dont's at the immigration. according to anti-money laundering act you are only allowed to bring a maximum of 10T cash per currency, if you have more than 10T pesos you can convert the rest to another currency so as not to violate the law otherwise you need an authorization from Bangko Sentral. i explained this to my cousin who works in singapore and i was told not to worry about it since immigration doesnt usually asks how much money you got. she said that when she came here, she has a total cash of 30T with her. but having studied all these laws since i was in college, i cant help not to be scared about violating the law. and i cant be more scared when i know that im guilty beyond reasonable doubt that my main purpose of coming here is to look for a job not for vacation.
so after filling out the embarkation papers, i finally face the immigration officer. he was at his fifties, and he has this look that makes me remember my most terror professor in college. and his eyes, i can feel his eyes piercing through my soul. here goes our conversation:
officer: so mag babakasyon ka lng dun? sinong pupuntahan mo dun sa singapore?
me: opo, ung pinsan ko po
officer: taga gensan ka?
me: opo
officer: galing ka pa gensan?
me: opo
officer: umuulan rin ba sa gensan?
me: (i didnt know, since ive been staying here in davao, and i dont want to lie!) ay, hndi ko po alam, di2 na po ako sa dvo nag sti-stay for the last few days
officer: ha? san ka nag sti-stay dito?
me: sa pinsan ko po, sa isang pinsan ko po.
officer: nka vacation leave ka?
me: opo
officer: ilang days ka dun?
me: feb 2 po ung return flt ko
officer: magkano dala mong pera?
me: (i was caught off guard! i dont know whether to lie or not!) 10T po
officer: ung dala mong pera pa singapore?
me: (shit! he might check my wallet! i better tell the truth! so, i acted like i wasnt able to catch the question) ay, ung total cash ko po? *** po (for confidentiality reasons, i wont disclose the exact amount, it was more than 10T pesos)
officer: P***? cgurado ka? halika nga di2 pra cgurado. (he led me to the immigration office!)
me: (i was cold as ice, my hands were shaking, my heart wants to explode) cge po
officer: cge bilangin mo ung pera mo para mkita ko (i counted my money infront of him and my hands wont stop shaking)
san ang add mo di2 sa dvo?
me: sa Sasa po
officer: o cge (he led me the way out, and we walked back to the immigration counter)
saan ka nagtratrabaho?
me: sa cebu po (short akward pause), sa eperformax po, sa call center
officer: nka vacation leave ka lng? matagal ka na dun?
me: opo, mag thri-three years na po
officer: (nodding his head) so ung pinsan mo na ang sasagot sa mga expenses mo dun, sa hotel accomodation mo, sa pagkain.....
me: ay, wla na pong gasto yun kasi nag rerent nman po dun ung cousin ko, so sa kanya na po ako mag sti-stay.
officer: o cge. first time mo? (and he finally place a stamp on my passport)
me: opo (giving him my sweetest smile.... =)
and after my rough interview with the scary immigration officer, they announced that my flight is delayed for 1 hr and 45 min. so i waited in boredom, i tried to read my book but i cant, i have too many things in my head. after 2 hours waiting and 3 sickening hours on the plane, i finally had a glimpse of our neighboring countries in southeast asia, we passed through malaysia (im sure that was malaysia, since its the closest country to singapore) and and we finally landed in changi international airport budget terminal. when we got off the plane, i thought to myself, no wonder it was called budget terminal, cebu mactan int'l airport and davao int'l airport are way lot better than their airport here, or i dont know, maybe it was just the budget terminal.
but despite their crappy budget terminal, i was totally impressed when we got into a cab and started driving through the streets of singapore at 2am. first thing i noticed: there are a lot of trees and they have the cleanest wonderful roads ive seen. some trees are hovering above the roads, so it was so shady and cool. when we finally got home, i took a bath and hit the sack immediately. i wasnt able to have a good night sleep since the place was all new to me, i woke up at around 10 am, ate my brunch, went out to walk my cousin to the bus stop with her hubby, bought something in the store and went home. i spent the rest of the day looking for jobs online. walk-in application is not encouraged here unless it was specifically advertise that the company has a walk-in interview. i slept for an hour and when i woke up, my cousin's husband asked me to cook our dinner since he has to bring the food to my cousin by 6pm (by the way my cousin works from 2pm-11pm). by 5.30pm we were on our way out to go to my cousin's office. it was my first bus ride in singapore, it was my first time to witness the city in broad daylight, it was my first time to see the singapore crowd. and it was so amazing how their system works here. there are bus stops at every point, and that's the only loading and unloading areas here for buses. even their bus stops amazes me, at each bus stop theres a direction so as you will know the bus routes. and everything is just too tidy, you wont have second thoughts to sit on the benches everywhere. and they use this card called ezlink to pay their fare. you can buy the card for $15sg and everytime you ride a bus you can just scan the card. otherwise you can also pay thru cash but you can save more if you use the ezlink since the charge is cheaper when you use the card. their fares ranges from 50cents to $2, depending on the distance. its automatically charge when you scan your card otherwise you have to be responsible to know how much you need to pay if your using cash and you can find the corresponding fare at their bus directions at each bus stop. once you have consumed the $15, you can reload the card (they call it top up here) so you can use it again.
at the bus stop
inside the buseverything is just so perfect no traffic, tidy streets, tall buildings, shady roads and no jaywalkers. second thing ive noticed: the sun is still up at 7pm here, it was amazing. there's no time difference in our country and no climate change at all but the sun here, rises at 8am and sets at 8pm. third thing ive noticed: singapore is a mix of races, you cant tell what's the majority race. there are too many chinese, malaysians, indians and americans.... you can see them everywhere! and i cant even recognize a filipino, we have so much similarities with malaysians. fourth thing ive noticed: you need to walk a lot in this country! sometimes the bus stops are far from your building, so you still have to walk a couple of blocks. and oh, sometimes you need to run too to catch the bus or the train.... which is by the way good for me so that i can lose some pounds. hehehe. and that was my first day in singapore.
fullerton roadHang in there! (jan 29, 2009)
im really not in the mood for writing about my experiences here for the last two weeks so ill just post a quick update. as mentioned, i have been here for two weeks now and obviously i still havent got a job. i had an interview last week at a certain hotel as a receptionist and i was told that they are still in the process of shortlisting their applicants and they will just call me if i got the job. i never stopped submitting my resume online everyday but still i havent had any replies. i wake up everyday and i keep on convincing myself not to lose hope, and before i close my eyes at night , i tell myself that there are no accidents and God has a purpose for me here.
Hopeless (feb 4, 2009)
God, i feel so hopeless it makes me wanna cry! i still havent got any replies, not even one. my 30 day visit pass is almost over and applying for another 30 day extension is not guaranteed so i cant help not to worry like hell. when i look at the paper everyday, most of the headlines i see is about saving jobs here in singapore. is the recession getting worse? God, i hope not. i dont know what to think right now, i thought im ready to accept whatever may happen to me. i thought i was excited to pursue my plan b or plan c incase this plan will not succeed. i thought i wouldnt lose my head if worse comes to worst, but i think i am. i am! i am scared! i dont want to fail! where did i go wrong? is it my cv? is it my work experience? is it my educational background? hell, i dont know! how will i know? i reviewed my cv countless times, i assessed my work experience and educational background a hundred times, and i think im competitive enough. and if only those companies will give me a chance for an interview! sad thing is that i cant do anything about it. i cant walk in to those companies and prove my worth. i honestly dont know what to do. theres nothing i can do in the first place, but to keep praying, keep believing and never lose my faith.
Realization (February 13, 2009)
Today, I thank God for reminding me once again that I just have to believe. I don’t need to get desperate. I don’t have to worry how, I must not have any doubts, I just need to trust Him completely. Im overwhelmed by God’s goodness and generosity to me, I know that I don’t deserve this, but He never gave up on me. Im just so overwhelmed by His love, I feel so blessed, and so loved and I thank Him for that. I am deeply ashamed of myself for not living according to His ways, and for being so self-sufficient sometimes, thinking that I can be off by myself when the truth is I am NOTHING without HIM.
Suffering in Silence (February 15, 2009)
Today I choose to suffer in silence. I cant help not to feel bad about today. I cant help not to feel bad about my situation at all. I want to WANT this, BADLY! I have sacrificed so much to be where I am right now. I gave up law school and my job for this. So I should WANT this, I should be dreaming for this. Yet I often find myself dreaming of going back to the Philippines, I often find myself torn between the decisions whether to go back and work in Cebu or Davao. I often find myself weighing the pros and cons of working in Davao instead of Cebu. My thoughts were always occupied about these things when I should be thinking about finding a job here. But don’t get me wrong, I never stopped submitting online applications everyday. Its just that, I was more excited about the thought of going back home instead of working here. Well, not exactly home, I definitely don’t want to stay and work at my hometown and live in my parent’s house. It has nothing to do with them of course, or ‘freedom’ or ‘independence’. I never wanted that, how id love to have someone to cook for me, or do my laundry for me. But then again, I want to live by myself because I want to make my own decisions. As I have always said, I don’t like being told.
So anyway, if I’m not busy thinking about these things, I’m busy thinking and researching on what movie should I watch next or what book should I read next. In fact, I’m running out of good movies to watch (feel free to recommend some). I cant seem to focus my thoughts on finding a job here, my mind is always wandering somewhere. I blame myself for not having a job yet, i dont blame the economy, i dont blame those companies for not responding to my emails, i dont blame anyone else but me. I firmly believe in Paulo Coelho's writings that 'When you really want something, all the universe will conspire to help you achieve it' which was reaffirmed by the principle of 'Law of Attraction' in the book of Rhonda Byrne 'The Secret'. I have been applying these principles for the past years and so far I have been getting what i really want, why else would I be here if those principles dont work. So, that clearly explains why I dont have a job yet, because I dont want it badly. I subconsciously wish not to find a job here so I can go back to my normal life in the Philippines. For some reasons, I dont like to live here and its not about the city, Singapore is a great city, no doubt about that. Its more about my emotional attachment to my environment here. I dont know, but somehow i dont feel the happiness and the excitement of being here. Even when I go out to some wonderful places here, I dont feel any form of happiness, though I am truly amazed and impressed by these places. Somehow, I always feel cold, numb, worried, and indifferent, I always feel all the negative vibes around me. Every morning, I always take a peek at the window and ive noticed that the skies here are always gray or maybe its just the weather these days, i dont know but since i got here my days have always been gray.
So that's my big problem, because I want to Want this. I want to be excited of having a job here. I should WANT this because i have sacrificed so much for this. And Im trying so hard to want this. Maybe its just me, being lonely.
I miss Cebu so much!!!! (March 02, 2009)
I terribly miss Cebu. I miss my job and the office. I miss my officemates. I miss my friends. I miss Ayala and SM. I miss the heat of the city. I miss its untidy streets. I miss riding the jeepney. I just really really miss my old life.
I never realized the value of my previous jobs to me. I used to think of my previous jobs as something i need to do for money. I joined the call center industry all in the name of money. I dont even think of it as a career advancement. But now, that i have finally stepped out of the call center world, I realized that my previous jobs no matter how stressful they were, they make me happy. And I miss it, terribly! I dont know if I can find the same job here in Singapore, Ive sent hundreds of resumes but apparently no one seems to care.
But so much for my frustrations of finding a job, i know i'll have that job real soon. Today, i just miss my life in cebu. I miss the fun at the office. I miss the laughter of my officemates, i miss their practical jokes. I miss the gossips around the office. I miss my pod. I miss the feeling of being thrilled when the system suddenly shuts down and we cant take calls. I miss the feeling of being rebellious and decide not to work for the day. I miss the feeling of excitement for the next team outing. I miss being exhausted from work and spend my rest days in bed and watch my favorite tv series or movies. I miss doing my own groceries at Robinsons'. I miss cooking my own food. I miss our small cozy cold room. I miss I miss my life in cebu so much! Whenever I look at the pictures of my team mates, i always imagine myself what it was like to be there with them again. And it makes me sad, because there's nothing I can do but sit here.
I Feel Bad (March 3, 2009)
I’m a really positive person. I believe in miracles, I believe that I can make anything happen if I really want something. I know I can definitely have what I want in life if I just stay focus, be positive all the time and have enough faith.
The thing is, I could really use some encouragement right now. I don’t need some of those reminder and pressure crap because I know what I’m getting into. I risked a lot of things to be where I am right now. Believe me, I know exactly what the stakes are. For the nth time, I DON’T LIKE BEING TOLD! This is my life! I know how to deal with it.
I can do this, if you could just stop making me feel bad about things. Its not like I’m not doing anything to get a job. Its not like I’m wasting my time the whole day doing nothing but surf the net and watch movies. God knows that I have always prioritized my job applications. I only watch those movies after I have applied to all the job advertisements where I’m qualified. I mean, what else am I suppose to do? Sit and stare at my inbox for the rest of the day? This is so frustrating!
Here I am doing all my best to convince myself that everything’s going to be fine and here you are, always making me feel bad. I know that you’re just concerned and you’re just trying to remind me but hey, the way you said it, it’s like you’re telling me ‘you have been sitting there the whole day, doing what? Watching a movie? Go find a job already coz you don’t have enough time left!’ It’s not like, I don’t give a damn to my future, that’s all I’ve been thinking about since I got here. I’m only watching those movies if I’ve got nothing left to do and they make me happy and stay positive; and that’s important. Cant you just support me and believe in me. Because I’m trying really hard here to have enough faith, so please if you don’t believe in what I believe, then just stop making me feel bad about myself because it doesn’t help at all. It’s just making me think about negative things again, its making me want to go home and that’s what ive been shutting off from my head. I want to stop thinking that I want to go home. So please, be sensitive here and help me out. I'm suffering in silence again!
I’m Finally Going Home (March 8, 2009)
Im going home by Friday and Im so excited. Ive always wanted to go home but im still confused whether to stay in davao or cebu. I definitely miss cebu, and all through out my stay here ive been wanting to go back to cebu. Now that I finally had that chance, Im not so sure if I still want to. So im making a list…
Here are the two main reasons why I don’t want to go back to cebu….
1. when I was in cebu, I was so sick of my life coz I feel like im stuck and im not moving forward with my career. Im not talking about promotion here or climbing up the corporate ladder. I mean I want to have a real job in. I wanted so bad to move out of the city and do something worthwhile aside from call center. Though I realize later on how much I miss that kind of life, im afraid that when I get there, I would feel that old feeling and end up resigning again from my job. And I don’t want that, this time I promise myself that im gonna last longer in my next job no matter what it takes.
2. For sure if ill stay there, i would end up with a call center job again which would prohibit me to spend my Christmas holidays with my family.
Guess what?! (march 9, 2009)
Im a little overwhelmed right now because again its amazing how God works. This past weekend I was already contemplating about going home by Friday. I couldn’t really understand my feeling, somehow I was excited to go home and get my old life back but another part of me is a little disappointed because i went through all of this for nothing?! I spent thousands of money for two months stay in this pretty flat? I cant even call it a vacation coz I rarely go out of the house because of budget constraints, except when I have weird interviews. Most of my days for the past two months have been spent here in their pretty living room making myself busy with this gorgeous mac. And my mind keeps on telling me over and over that I have always believed that I was here for a purpose, so what happened with that? If I were to look at things, I cant find a single reason for my stay that makes sense so far. So I know something is not right, I cant be sent here just to sit in the living room for the whole two months. That doesn’t make any sense at all. And I cant be sent here just to realize that this is not for me or that im not ready yet because that do not sound like a real purpose for me.
So it made me realize that i dont want to go home yet, i was getting used to life here. Im starting to accept the things around me. Im starting to appreciate the comfortable life i have here... they have really nice flats here and i cant help not to sigh when i think about going back to cebu or davao and live in a crappy apartment or boarding house. So i said a short prayer last night thanking God for letting me experience this and that i would be happy with whatever He will give me. But i told Him too that I would really love to have a job here and for the first time i meant it with all my heart. I have been praying the whole time to get a job because i need to but this time i was praying for job because i really want to.
But oh well, what can i do, nothing is happening to me here and i need to make some decisions soon otherwise the prices of my airfare will just go up. So after so much confusion on what to do next, whether it would be cebu or davao, i finally decided to go for davao for a week and then go to cebu. I was trying to book my two tickets SIN-DVO and DVO-CEB last night online but cebu pacific's website wont work. So, we decided to go to a travel agency earlier to book my ticket but their agent's fee is too much, its $25 and that's like P750, so we decided to call to cebu pacific's call center in manila instead. And finally i get to book my SIN-DVO flight. I decided not to book my DVO-CEB flight yet because i dont want to pay any fees in case i change my mind and settle in davao.
I was already planning my activities for my last remaining days here in singapore. I was thinking to go out early tomorrow and just walk around the city and take as many pictures as i can. I dont usually take pictures specially when im alone because im too shy but the cam is always in my bag every time i go out. But this time, i promised myself no matter how ridiculous i look i would really take pictures as much as i can. My plans however, were all ruined when i received a call from one of the companies where i applied. I was asked if i was still interested interested and of course i said yes. Its not the kind of job im really looking for because first and foremost, their compensation package is just crazy. totally crazy! i dont have a basic salary! how crazy can that be? what i earn will depend on my sales and if i dont have any sales, well good luck to me! i will work as a telemarketer, i will still work on the phone which i love but this time i will handle outbound calls and i will have to venture into the world of SALES! and i will have to sell health supplements. its definitely not my kind of thing but im accepting this job just so i can stay here longer, i know ill eventually find a decent job. I will still give my best shot with this job though. I always do.
anyway, here's my new problem... applying for an employment pass usually takes 1-2 weeks and my visit pass will already expire by march 17 so i definitely have to leave singapore by then. So, here's a problem... they say that i cant exit through malaysia because i might not be able to pass through the immigration. They're too strict since some pinoys have doing this technique all along, i just cant go home either because it would cost me a lot, i cant apply for another extension of my visit pass as well because i already did and this is my second month here. So i guess, i just have to keep praying for now. But im still truly overwhelmed by how things worked, God loves me so much. His everyday miracles amazes me and it just strengthens my faith in Him everyday. I couldn't be thankful enough for now.
Are you kidding me?! (march 12, 2009)
And now im back with my old plan. When i went to the office last tuesday to finally sign the contract, i was told that 90% of the selling will be face to face and not over the phone and its up to us where to go to sell the products. we would be given $5 transpo allowance everyday and we will try to sell these health supplement products. we wont of course bring the products with us so as not to look ridiculous, we will only bring the brochures. and they wont even get us an employment pass or Spass, i was told that they will just apply for a trainee employment pass which i never heard of by the way.
i just cant imagine myself standing in the streets or in the malls approaching a complete stranger, not to mention a foreigner, and forcing them to listen while i explain why they should buy our products! that is absolutely ridiculous! considering that i wont have any basic salary, it will be completely based on my sale plus they wont give me an Epass or an Spass, why the hell should I accept this kind of job?
They had my hopes up, i was disappointed. I honestly felt bad that i wasnt able to find a job here because i was already getting used to life here. But i cant exactly say that im depressed and frustrated, this whole thing, this whole experience never shook my faith. This may sound silly but my experience only strengthened my faith for inexplicable reasons. It strengthened my relationship with God and maybe that's the purpose why I was sent here. Maybe God was trying to remind me that no matter where I'll go, and no matter what I'll do, He will never abandon me. Im so thankful by how God lets me see the good things in life when the going gets tough. Its amazing how he always makes me see the positive side of life.
So im back to my old plan, im finally going home tonight. Im staying in Davao for a week, if i get the job as a TL in sutherland, then i will be staying in davao but if not i will go back to cebu. im still trying to see my options for now so i really dont know whether ill surely go back to cebu or not.
Realization (February 13, 2009)
Today, I thank God for reminding me once again that I just have to believe. I don’t need to get desperate. I don’t have to worry how, I must not have any doubts, I just need to trust Him completely. Im overwhelmed by God’s goodness and generosity to me, I know that I don’t deserve this, but He never gave up on me. Im just so overwhelmed by His love, I feel so blessed, and so loved and I thank Him for that. I am deeply ashamed of myself for not living according to His ways, and for being so self-sufficient sometimes, thinking that I can be off by myself when the truth is I am NOTHING without HIM.
Suffering in Silence (February 15, 2009)
Today I choose to suffer in silence. I cant help not to feel bad about today. I cant help not to feel bad about my situation at all. I want to WANT this, BADLY! I have sacrificed so much to be where I am right now. I gave up law school and my job for this. So I should WANT this, I should be dreaming for this. Yet I often find myself dreaming of going back to the Philippines, I often find myself torn between the decisions whether to go back and work in Cebu or Davao. I often find myself weighing the pros and cons of working in Davao instead of Cebu. My thoughts were always occupied about these things when I should be thinking about finding a job here. But don’t get me wrong, I never stopped submitting online applications everyday. Its just that, I was more excited about the thought of going back home instead of working here. Well, not exactly home, I definitely don’t want to stay and work at my hometown and live in my parent’s house. It has nothing to do with them of course, or ‘freedom’ or ‘independence’. I never wanted that, how id love to have someone to cook for me, or do my laundry for me. But then again, I want to live by myself because I want to make my own decisions. As I have always said, I don’t like being told.
So anyway, if I’m not busy thinking about these things, I’m busy thinking and researching on what movie should I watch next or what book should I read next. In fact, I’m running out of good movies to watch (feel free to recommend some). I cant seem to focus my thoughts on finding a job here, my mind is always wandering somewhere. I blame myself for not having a job yet, i dont blame the economy, i dont blame those companies for not responding to my emails, i dont blame anyone else but me. I firmly believe in Paulo Coelho's writings that 'When you really want something, all the universe will conspire to help you achieve it' which was reaffirmed by the principle of 'Law of Attraction' in the book of Rhonda Byrne 'The Secret'. I have been applying these principles for the past years and so far I have been getting what i really want, why else would I be here if those principles dont work. So, that clearly explains why I dont have a job yet, because I dont want it badly. I subconsciously wish not to find a job here so I can go back to my normal life in the Philippines. For some reasons, I dont like to live here and its not about the city, Singapore is a great city, no doubt about that. Its more about my emotional attachment to my environment here. I dont know, but somehow i dont feel the happiness and the excitement of being here. Even when I go out to some wonderful places here, I dont feel any form of happiness, though I am truly amazed and impressed by these places. Somehow, I always feel cold, numb, worried, and indifferent, I always feel all the negative vibes around me. Every morning, I always take a peek at the window and ive noticed that the skies here are always gray or maybe its just the weather these days, i dont know but since i got here my days have always been gray.
So that's my big problem, because I want to Want this. I want to be excited of having a job here. I should WANT this because i have sacrificed so much for this. And Im trying so hard to want this. Maybe its just me, being lonely.
I miss Cebu so much!!!! (March 02, 2009)
I terribly miss Cebu. I miss my job and the office. I miss my officemates. I miss my friends. I miss Ayala and SM. I miss the heat of the city. I miss its untidy streets. I miss riding the jeepney. I just really really miss my old life.
I never realized the value of my previous jobs to me. I used to think of my previous jobs as something i need to do for money. I joined the call center industry all in the name of money. I dont even think of it as a career advancement. But now, that i have finally stepped out of the call center world, I realized that my previous jobs no matter how stressful they were, they make me happy. And I miss it, terribly! I dont know if I can find the same job here in Singapore, Ive sent hundreds of resumes but apparently no one seems to care.
But so much for my frustrations of finding a job, i know i'll have that job real soon. Today, i just miss my life in cebu. I miss the fun at the office. I miss the laughter of my officemates, i miss their practical jokes. I miss the gossips around the office. I miss my pod. I miss the feeling of being thrilled when the system suddenly shuts down and we cant take calls. I miss the feeling of being rebellious and decide not to work for the day. I miss the feeling of excitement for the next team outing. I miss being exhausted from work and spend my rest days in bed and watch my favorite tv series or movies. I miss doing my own groceries at Robinsons'. I miss cooking my own food. I miss our small cozy cold room. I miss I miss my life in cebu so much! Whenever I look at the pictures of my team mates, i always imagine myself what it was like to be there with them again. And it makes me sad, because there's nothing I can do but sit here.
I Feel Bad (March 3, 2009)
I’m a really positive person. I believe in miracles, I believe that I can make anything happen if I really want something. I know I can definitely have what I want in life if I just stay focus, be positive all the time and have enough faith.
The thing is, I could really use some encouragement right now. I don’t need some of those reminder and pressure crap because I know what I’m getting into. I risked a lot of things to be where I am right now. Believe me, I know exactly what the stakes are. For the nth time, I DON’T LIKE BEING TOLD! This is my life! I know how to deal with it.
I can do this, if you could just stop making me feel bad about things. Its not like I’m not doing anything to get a job. Its not like I’m wasting my time the whole day doing nothing but surf the net and watch movies. God knows that I have always prioritized my job applications. I only watch those movies after I have applied to all the job advertisements where I’m qualified. I mean, what else am I suppose to do? Sit and stare at my inbox for the rest of the day? This is so frustrating!
Here I am doing all my best to convince myself that everything’s going to be fine and here you are, always making me feel bad. I know that you’re just concerned and you’re just trying to remind me but hey, the way you said it, it’s like you’re telling me ‘you have been sitting there the whole day, doing what? Watching a movie? Go find a job already coz you don’t have enough time left!’ It’s not like, I don’t give a damn to my future, that’s all I’ve been thinking about since I got here. I’m only watching those movies if I’ve got nothing left to do and they make me happy and stay positive; and that’s important. Cant you just support me and believe in me. Because I’m trying really hard here to have enough faith, so please if you don’t believe in what I believe, then just stop making me feel bad about myself because it doesn’t help at all. It’s just making me think about negative things again, its making me want to go home and that’s what ive been shutting off from my head. I want to stop thinking that I want to go home. So please, be sensitive here and help me out. I'm suffering in silence again!
I’m Finally Going Home (March 8, 2009)
Im going home by Friday and Im so excited. Ive always wanted to go home but im still confused whether to stay in davao or cebu. I definitely miss cebu, and all through out my stay here ive been wanting to go back to cebu. Now that I finally had that chance, Im not so sure if I still want to. So im making a list…
Here are the two main reasons why I don’t want to go back to cebu….
1. when I was in cebu, I was so sick of my life coz I feel like im stuck and im not moving forward with my career. Im not talking about promotion here or climbing up the corporate ladder. I mean I want to have a real job in. I wanted so bad to move out of the city and do something worthwhile aside from call center. Though I realize later on how much I miss that kind of life, im afraid that when I get there, I would feel that old feeling and end up resigning again from my job. And I don’t want that, this time I promise myself that im gonna last longer in my next job no matter what it takes.
2. For sure if ill stay there, i would end up with a call center job again which would prohibit me to spend my Christmas holidays with my family.
Guess what?! (march 9, 2009)
Im a little overwhelmed right now because again its amazing how God works. This past weekend I was already contemplating about going home by Friday. I couldn’t really understand my feeling, somehow I was excited to go home and get my old life back but another part of me is a little disappointed because i went through all of this for nothing?! I spent thousands of money for two months stay in this pretty flat? I cant even call it a vacation coz I rarely go out of the house because of budget constraints, except when I have weird interviews. Most of my days for the past two months have been spent here in their pretty living room making myself busy with this gorgeous mac. And my mind keeps on telling me over and over that I have always believed that I was here for a purpose, so what happened with that? If I were to look at things, I cant find a single reason for my stay that makes sense so far. So I know something is not right, I cant be sent here just to sit in the living room for the whole two months. That doesn’t make any sense at all. And I cant be sent here just to realize that this is not for me or that im not ready yet because that do not sound like a real purpose for me.
So it made me realize that i dont want to go home yet, i was getting used to life here. Im starting to accept the things around me. Im starting to appreciate the comfortable life i have here... they have really nice flats here and i cant help not to sigh when i think about going back to cebu or davao and live in a crappy apartment or boarding house. So i said a short prayer last night thanking God for letting me experience this and that i would be happy with whatever He will give me. But i told Him too that I would really love to have a job here and for the first time i meant it with all my heart. I have been praying the whole time to get a job because i need to but this time i was praying for job because i really want to.
But oh well, what can i do, nothing is happening to me here and i need to make some decisions soon otherwise the prices of my airfare will just go up. So after so much confusion on what to do next, whether it would be cebu or davao, i finally decided to go for davao for a week and then go to cebu. I was trying to book my two tickets SIN-DVO and DVO-CEB last night online but cebu pacific's website wont work. So, we decided to go to a travel agency earlier to book my ticket but their agent's fee is too much, its $25 and that's like P750, so we decided to call to cebu pacific's call center in manila instead. And finally i get to book my SIN-DVO flight. I decided not to book my DVO-CEB flight yet because i dont want to pay any fees in case i change my mind and settle in davao.
I was already planning my activities for my last remaining days here in singapore. I was thinking to go out early tomorrow and just walk around the city and take as many pictures as i can. I dont usually take pictures specially when im alone because im too shy but the cam is always in my bag every time i go out. But this time, i promised myself no matter how ridiculous i look i would really take pictures as much as i can. My plans however, were all ruined when i received a call from one of the companies where i applied. I was asked if i was still interested interested and of course i said yes. Its not the kind of job im really looking for because first and foremost, their compensation package is just crazy. totally crazy! i dont have a basic salary! how crazy can that be? what i earn will depend on my sales and if i dont have any sales, well good luck to me! i will work as a telemarketer, i will still work on the phone which i love but this time i will handle outbound calls and i will have to venture into the world of SALES! and i will have to sell health supplements. its definitely not my kind of thing but im accepting this job just so i can stay here longer, i know ill eventually find a decent job. I will still give my best shot with this job though. I always do.
anyway, here's my new problem... applying for an employment pass usually takes 1-2 weeks and my visit pass will already expire by march 17 so i definitely have to leave singapore by then. So, here's a problem... they say that i cant exit through malaysia because i might not be able to pass through the immigration. They're too strict since some pinoys have doing this technique all along, i just cant go home either because it would cost me a lot, i cant apply for another extension of my visit pass as well because i already did and this is my second month here. So i guess, i just have to keep praying for now. But im still truly overwhelmed by how things worked, God loves me so much. His everyday miracles amazes me and it just strengthens my faith in Him everyday. I couldn't be thankful enough for now.
Are you kidding me?! (march 12, 2009)
And now im back with my old plan. When i went to the office last tuesday to finally sign the contract, i was told that 90% of the selling will be face to face and not over the phone and its up to us where to go to sell the products. we would be given $5 transpo allowance everyday and we will try to sell these health supplement products. we wont of course bring the products with us so as not to look ridiculous, we will only bring the brochures. and they wont even get us an employment pass or Spass, i was told that they will just apply for a trainee employment pass which i never heard of by the way.
i just cant imagine myself standing in the streets or in the malls approaching a complete stranger, not to mention a foreigner, and forcing them to listen while i explain why they should buy our products! that is absolutely ridiculous! considering that i wont have any basic salary, it will be completely based on my sale plus they wont give me an Epass or an Spass, why the hell should I accept this kind of job?
They had my hopes up, i was disappointed. I honestly felt bad that i wasnt able to find a job here because i was already getting used to life here. But i cant exactly say that im depressed and frustrated, this whole thing, this whole experience never shook my faith. This may sound silly but my experience only strengthened my faith for inexplicable reasons. It strengthened my relationship with God and maybe that's the purpose why I was sent here. Maybe God was trying to remind me that no matter where I'll go, and no matter what I'll do, He will never abandon me. Im so thankful by how God lets me see the good things in life when the going gets tough. Its amazing how he always makes me see the positive side of life.
So im back to my old plan, im finally going home tonight. Im staying in Davao for a week, if i get the job as a TL in sutherland, then i will be staying in davao but if not i will go back to cebu. im still trying to see my options for now so i really dont know whether ill surely go back to cebu or not.
