DREAM BELIEVER

it has always been so hard to let go of the things you have come to love. its so sad that you cant hold on to some things in your life. we must accept the bitter reality that some things has to change! for better or for worst! but most of the time its for worst! but life is a matter of choice, we have the option to just accept whatever life hands us or struggle to make it better. we are solely responsible of what we become.

there are a lot of times where i find myself always wishing to go back in my past. i dont want to let go of my old life, but no matter what i do some things has never been the same again. i used to wish that i can be a child forever, i used to wish my mom will always be there for me to feed me, make my breakfast, clean my room and just take care of me.... i used to wish that i can stay at home forever, i used to wish that my friends can be with me forever... but its impossible to hold on to these things. i tried my best to hang on to these memories, cry over it and always wishing to go back in my past where life is simplier and happier but i simply cant! that's why i have to let go!

i have never imagined myself living far from home but i have survived for 5 years living on my own. of course i go home once in awhile but most of my life for the past 5 years has been spent away from home. its so sad to be away from my family, its so sad to spend your christmas and new year in a strange city where you have no relatives to invite you for noche buena, its so sad to lie awake in your dark room when everybody enjoys the fireworks outside during christmas... but im over with those cheesy-mushy-thoughts, i have learned how to be tough... and a bit indifferent! but i still miss home of course but sometimes you really have to sacrifice some things.

you cant stay in your comfort zone forever, you have to stretch out and face the courage zone. it may be difficult but its the only way to go if you want to achieve your dreams. there is a possibility of failure but there's also a possibility of success, its just a matter of being a brave soul and risking your neck to it. and its just a matter of FAITH! if you have enough of that, there's no reason to fail!

in my previous posts, i kept on talking about contentment and for the past few months i kept searching for it and i almost found it! i was almost contented of my life, i almost gave up and just accept what life hands me, i almost gave up struggling, i almost stop complaining, i almost stop fighting the good fight.... im almost at peace with the world but for the nth time, paulo coelho's words flashed in my head! and for the nth time he again changed my perspective in life! once more, i became a dream believer, mr. coelho has taught me how to be one!
and i feel the need to share this, i hope this will inspire you...

"We must not stop dreaming. Dreaming nourishes the soul. Many times in our lives we see our dreams shattered and our desire frustrated, but we have to continue dreaming. If we don't, our soul dies, and agape cannot reach it.The first symptom of the process of killing our dreams is the lack of time. The busiest people always have time enough to do everything. Those who do nothing are always tired and pay no attention to what they are required to do. The second symptom is our uncertainties. Because we don't want to see life as a grand adventure, we begin to think of ourselves as wise and fair and correct in asking so little of life. We never see the delight, the immense delight in the hearts of warriors. For them, neither victory nor defeat is important; what's important is only that they are fighting the good fight. The third symptom is PEACE. LIFE BECOMES A SUNDAY AFTERNOON; we ask for nothing grand, and we cease to demand anything more than we are willing to pay. In this state, we think of our self as mature; we put aside the fantasies of our youth, and we seek personal and professional achievement. But deep down in our hearts, we know that what has happened is that we have renounced the battle for our dreams. When we renounced our dreams and find peace, we go through a short period of tranquility. But the dead dreams begin to rot within us and to infect our entire being. We become cruel to those around us, and then we begin to direct this cruelty against ourselves. That's when illness and psychoses arise. And the dead dreams make us difficult to breathe, and we actually seek death. We need to learn to fight the good fight. We need to accept adventures and challenges that life provides, but we still want to deny anything that is extraordinary. The only way to rescue our dreams is by being generous with ourselves. Any attempt to inflict self-punishment - no matter how subtle it may be - should be dealt with rigorously. In order to know when we are being cruel to ourselves, we have to transform any attempt at causing spiritual pain - such as guilt, remorse, indecision, and cowardice - into physical pain. By transforming a spiritual pain into a physical pain, we can learn what harm it can cause us."-paulo coelho-

back to school

i know im making my life miserable once again! my life is completely normal now... now that my schedule is so perfect 7am-4pm, a lot of call center agents would envy my so normal life and my 8 hours sleep every night! but guess what i did to myself? i eventually got tired of boring, unchallenged, relaxed, worry-free kind of life! i enrolled my self to law school! yep! you heard me right! im officially enrolled and our classes will start on june 13! crazy me, not to mention that im completely on my own when comes to paying my so expensive tuition! but anyway, i want to be challenged! i want to be pressured! i want to be buzy! so here i am giving myself a pain in my own ass!

duh! actually that's really not how i feel! i know my life will be miserable but right now? i am just so excited to be a student again. im excited to read hundreds of pages and to be pressured! im excited to experience sleepless nights once more, im excited to go to school and learn things again! really excited! and a bit worried financially too... hehe! but whatever it takes, i really feel that this is something so doable with enough determination and hard work! why not? theres no reason for me not to achieve my dreams given the right attitude! im crossing my fingers, and this blog entry will serve as an inspiration and witness to my own determination before i start this crazy life! i just hope i wont give up in the middle of the crossroads! its scary but i believe He will never leave me coz He has always been there for me giving me more that what ive asked for, and im sure He would never leave me specially now that ive made this far! im really crossing my fingers coz i know myself so well! there were times when i was in college that i literally asked death to come and get me than live in this world with my crazy, miserable, so pressured life and im scared that i might reach that point again! i wish not! but i never attempted suicide, just for the record! im not that crazy yet!